I don't really know what I want to write about today, but I want to keep myself going, so lets see. Last week I did the elliptical 4 times. I was impressed with the way I was able to increase my time. This week I plan to do 20 minutes Monday through Thursday. Well, I didn't do Tuesday, so I think I'll end up having to throw in Saturday too. I did Monday on a 2 for resistance, so tonight I will try to bump it up a little more. We shall see if I can take the pressure.

did it

I did my 20 minutes last night. 20 more toinght.

haven't done much

Well, it has been quit some time since my last post. I haven't done much of anything... or so I thought. I haven't done much, but I have been able to sustain a decent loss. I am only about three pounds up from the last time I really hit it hard. It feels good to know that I have not lost a ton of ground. I am ready to get real again and work. The last three nights I have gone over to our gym and worked out on the elliptical machine. I started with 5 minutes, then 10 minutes and last night I did 17 minutes. I am going to do 20 minutes tonight. It isn't easy, but it does feel good.

170's

Well, this morning when I got on the scale I was 179.8. I have not been in the 170's since I was pregnant with Lexi. I am very happy.

Day 10

Well, I haven't been taking the time to blog about my journey the last few days. I was good and didn't cheat over the weekend. I don't want to write everything I ate right now. Maybe I will do that when I get home later. I did slip up last night. I ate a handful of pretzels and I had about a Tablespoon of Shrimp Cocktail Sauce. It put me up 2 oz. Thank goodness it was only 2 oz. It really didn't taste that good. I could have gone without it. I am determined not to cheat anymore. I really want to lose another 10 to 15 pounds by the 15th of July. I think my body has enough fat that it won't be a problem. All I have to do is stick with it. This is seriously hard! I did my measurements Sunday night and I was down inches everywhere. I'll have to post how many and where when I am home and can look at my paper. It was so good to see that inches had come off after a hard week of feeling hungry. One of the cool things about HCG is that it is actual fat that you lose. You don't lose muscle like you do on other diets. I have noticed I am a little more irritable. I have to really watch the clock so I don't wait too long to eat lunch... or dinner.

Day 5

Today I wish I could quit! No, not really, but kind of. I keep seeing all these yummy looking foods and I want some. I know I won't have some, but still it is a really hard day. Yesterday wasn't really great. I had canned chicken with celery for lunch and an orange. For dinner I had more of the canned chicken with cucumbers and strawberries. Oh and I had my Melba toast with each meal. This morning I was only down to 184.0. Still down, but when I was seeing bigger numbers everyday this morning kinda stunk. Anyway... it will be until Sunday before I can post again. We are going camping and I have all my food measured out and ready to go, so I won't cheat. I am determined to do this!!!

Kristina asked me to post something about the shots. They don't hurt. I was surprised. They release I think it was like 1500 calories of the stored fat. I'll have to double check the exact amount. That is the only reason I have energy. 500 calories of food is so tiny!!! This is very hard. Oh well, I'm sure in 15 more days I will be happy I did it and will look and feel much better.

Day 4

Okay, yesterday was interesting. Lunch was boring Tuna heated up for a change with Romain lettuce a Melba toast and strawberries. I did try a new drink I can make with sparkling water and flavored stevia and I put way too much stevia in it so it wasn't so tasty as it was way too sweet. Then dinner came. I made steak with a southwest rub, red potatoes cooked in butter, Rhodes rolls, cucumbers, carrots & peas fresh from Shawn's mom and dad's garden(made by Shawn's mom). We had Mom and Dad Williams over for dinner last night and everything smelled sooooo good! I was so proud of myself for getting through a very difficult situation. I am a very social person who loves to have company over for dinner... a lot.... well, what did I eat you ask? Well I'll tell you. I had my steak and cucumbers. After we ate dinner we went swimming and I realized I had not eaten my Melba toast, so I had that. Then a little later I had some more Strawberries with a little milk (1 tablespoon) and a little vanilla stevia. Delicious. I felt so surprised that I stayed on what I needed to. I have to realize that for the next little while everyone around me is going to be eating really yummy not so good for you food and it is okay that I am going to be eating my special diet. I am proud of myself for being strong. This morning was kinda weird with the scale, first I weighed myself and I was 185.2. Then I had my bath and dried off and weighed again... I know I probably shouldn't have weighed again.... and I was down to 184.6. Holy Cow! This really works. It is hard, but do-able. I was telling Kristina on the phone how I have plenty of energy, but I feel like my stomach is hungry. There just isn't a lot of food going in, so about an hour after I eat I feel like I want to eat again, but I just have to wait. I can't wait to see what the scale says tomorrow. I will not cheat on this. I realize that I am the only one it affects if I do cheat, so really whats the point of that?

Day 3

Yesterday I ate tuna with lemon juice and salt and pepper on Romain lettuce spears for lunch with my one Melba toast. Then I had 7 medium strawberries with 1 tablespoon of mild and a packet of Stevia. It was good. Then for dinner I had tuna with a cup of celery cut up in it with some lemon juice and salt and pepper. Then I had an apple cut into slices sprinkled with cinnamon and Stevia cooked in the microwave for about 3 minutes. It was like apple pie on a plate. I really liked it. This morning I am down to 187.6. More tomorrow....

Day 2 of the 500 calorie diet

Today is Day 2 of the 500 calorie diet. I feel really good. I'm surprised by how much energy I feel. I think not having sugar for three weeks is going to be hard for me, but I know I can do it. Yesterday I ate 4 oz. of chicken for lunch with a tomato and a Melba toast. In the afternoon I ate an apple. For dinner I had a hamburger patty, asparagus, and a Melba toast. After Family Home Evening I made everyone a yummy Strawberry shake with ice cream and I just had strawberries. I drank a ton of water, and that saved me from dying to snack all day. Ice water is the best!!! This morning I was down to 189.0... more tomorrow.

HCG

I started my HCG diet on Saturday. The first two days were really easy! The diet calls for two days of loading which means eat as much junk basically as you can or want to. :-) Today is my first official day of the 500 calorie diet, so we will see.

HCG?

I'm thinking really seriously about doing the HCG diet. It would require absolute discipline, but I think I could do it. I'm going to call around to a few clinics today.

Cardio Party

Last night I did the Cardio Party Turbo Jams workout. It felt good. I didn't know if I was going to be able to finish it. It is pretty intense. I'm sure that is why I am sore this morning. :-) Feels good.

Turbo Jams

I did Turbo Jams last night. It felt good. I'm going to do it again tonight. On the go biggest losers blog Jeff posted about the Season Finally and how Jerry talked about how once he got his mind off it and let his body just do the work everything fell into place. I feel like that is what I need to do. I spend way too much time thinking about what I should or should not be doing. I know what I need to do. I just have to let my body go through the motions.

Weekends always turn out so weird

My weekends always seem to get filled with such weird things. Friday after I got off work at 6 we decided to go on a last minute camping trip. It was way fun, but because it was last minute we didn't plan our food very well. This was good and bad. Good because there wasn't a bunch of food around, and bad because I didn't take any fruits or veggies. We spent Saturday fishing and I got a kinda nasty sunburn. I feel like I am really retaining water. I'm hoping by tomorrow morning I will feel normal again. We'll see.

5K

Saturday I did the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. It was a 5K and there were over 18,000 other participants!!! So cool! It felt great to be a part of something so big. 5K sounds so good doesn't it? Well, I thought so too until I realized that it really is only just over 3 miles. :-) The long bridge is what 4 round trip and I used to do that several times a week. Funny how I have wondered how I was always in such great shape earlier in my life. :-) DUH!!! I have a new goal to do a 5K at least once a week. Something about that just sounds good. I think I could even get to the point where I could mostly run it. Then I will start the trail to a half marathon.

This morning I was down to 186.2!!! When I started losing weight in November I was 220!!! That is a huge loss of 33.8 pounds!!! That is more than half a Trevin!!! If I can keep the same pace or even pick it up for the next six months I will be at 152.4!!! Then one more time and I will be right where I want to be long term. This is do-able. It may take a long time, but it will happen.

Where is my momentum?

I feel like I have just been kinda lolly gagin' along the last month or so. Shawn and I decided that as much as we love going to the gym we should use that money to pay off our cars faster, so now I am working out my plan to exercise. I had the most success when I was doing my Turbo Jams. I let my niece borrow them, but I think I will get those back and commit myself to doing that at least four times a week.

Didn't want to but did

Last night Shawn and I both struggled with going to the gym. It was one of those nights when you get home from work and your just ready for bed. We pushed ourselves out the door and to the gym. I think I had my hardest treadmill workout yet last night. I did what is called Zone Training. The treadmill tells you what your goal heart rate is and when you reach that it gives you a new goal and increases you incline to make you work harder. The first heart rate was 124, then 134, then back to 124, then up to 144, then back to 124, then it was supposed to go up to 154, but my time ran out and I did my cool down. I felt like I really had to work hard to make it. I was thinking about it this morning and how scared I have been of the treadmill. I honestly think before I started I thought it would literally kill me to workout on a treadmill. To my amazement, I haven't died yet. :-) Tonight I do 28 minutes so we will see if I make it. :-)

New Goals

This last week I gained... LAME!!! I know I totally blew it last weekend. It was Shawn's birthday and I let that be a huge excuse to be a big pig. This week I have started a new cardio plan where I increase my time on the Treadmill by 2 minutes a day. I have been doing it so far this week with the exception of Tuesday. I was feeling really good so I did my 22 minutes in the morning and then I did another 33 in the evening. I may have pushed myself a little too hard... but I still went and did my 24 minutes last night. I am going to do 26 minutes tonight 28 minutes Friday 30 minutes Saturday, and then take the day to rest on Sunday. This cardio program I am working on is from the Biggest Loser 30 day jump start book. It is cool 'cause it tells you just what to do every single day. The only part I am following right now it the cardio plan. When I first started on Monday I did 10 minutes in the morning and 10 more in the evening. I felt like that really kicked my butt and I didn't think I could do more. Then Tuesday was the day I felt so good and did so much. I like breaking my own belief barriers. Makes me feel accomplished. :-) Anyway, I am not going to be taking weekends off from exercise any more. Just Sunday. I feel like I really need it every day... besides, I actually have been liking it. :-0

Healthy Life Challenge

Okay, so I have been slacking on posting here. We have a new challenge going. Instead of being a competition we are just continuing with the support group thing.

I am sore today and was most of last week. We have been faithfully working out at the gym. My favorite thing to do is swim there, so I am trying to get in at least a mile a week. That equals two 25 minute sessions for me. I don't work until 10 in the morning twice a week, so it works really well for me to go on those mornings and then just get ready for work at the gym after my swim. I also love lifting weight with Shawn. I find myself laughing because we take turns on the same machines and my weight that I use is like maybe a third of what Shawn does. Then I realize that it totally doesn't matter how much I can do as long as I am pushing myself to my own limits.

I am really having fun with this stage of my weight loss life. :-) My body feels like it is getting back into the old strides it had when I was a teenager and I loved to walk the long bridge or bike the long bridge and it was never for exercise... it was honestly just for fun. I feel like that with the gym...even though I am sore the next day, I feel like it is a lot of fun. Plus because Shawn and I lift weights together I feel like every night is a date night too. :-) I like that part a lot.

I'm going to take my measurements tonight. It has been a few months since I have taken measurements, so I need to see where I am and how much further I would like to go. I'll have to post how I've done.

Final Weigh In

So today was the final weigh in day for our three month competition. I am so happy to say the I lost a total of 17 pounds over the course of this. I feel so awesome about it I can't hardly stand it. I have mixed emotions over this time period being over. I guess I struggle with thinking of it as over. Honestly, I feel like I have just started, so that is how it will be. I will not look at this as an ending, but as a successful beginning to the rest of my life. I have some really good times to look back on. I have been completely honest with myself and how I have been feeling as I have had to go through a difficult process. I feel like I have been able to break through some mental barriers that have been in my way. I got a membership to the Life Time Fitness gym for Shawn's birthday present. I don't know if that is really fair since it is probably mostly for myself. :-) We went last night at a family and on our way home Shawn was saying how much he enjoyed it and how he could see himself turning back into a "Gym Rat" really easily. I feel like it is a great thing we are doing, and I really don't see an end in sight. I still have a lot of weight I would like to lose, so I'm sure I'll still be using this blog as a place to post my feelings along the way. I hope to be better about using my blog in the future. It has been a great place for me to come and reflect. I think I will figure out a way to print my posts so I can put them in some sort of weight loss journal. Well, my lunch hour is over and I must get back to work. :-) So for now...

This is hard

Okay, so here is me with the honest truth about how I am feeling about this. This kinda has sucked for me lately. I am really struggling with eating the right foods. For some reason I want to eat like really crappy foods that I know are not good for me. I think I might subconsciously think that when I am eating bad my life is good. I don't know...but it is bugging me really bad. I have been good about my exercise. I could be better, but I am getting in at least three good one hour workouts each week. I really love my water aerobics. I have been falling into the trap of eating a little bit of something that I shouldn't have and then not letting myself eat anything else that day hoping that it will counteract my bad choice of food earlier. I know that isn't smart, but it is what I have been doing.

How to fix it?

I don't really know, but all I can do is try my best to figure this out.

I'm scared of going back to where I was before I started my weight loss journey. I don't want to fail myself or anyone else who believes in me. I know I have what it takes inside of me to do this, I just have to figure out exactly how.

I know Shawn is sick of the same kinds of food and he wants some really "Yummy" food, but I don't want to have it around because when it is around I eat it and I have a three pound gain like I had last week. I am not at all trying to blame Shawn, I just realize that I do a lot for other people when I should realize that eating right is something that I need to do for myself. No, Lasagna is not totally off limits, but not double portions three days in a row.

This is getting rambly, so I should stop now. I just wanted to post where I am since it has been over a week.

188

Can I get a "What What!"? I am so happy with what is happening with my body. I feel like I have been making really good progress. I honestly thought at the beginning of this that I would be losing a lot more weight than I have, but I am still very happy that I am down almost 17 pounds. From my high I'm down 32 pounds and that is just in the past four and a half months. If I keep the same pace for the next four and a half months I will be down to 156 pounds. That sounds SOOOO good to me. I have proven to myself that I can do this. I have no plan of giving up or stopping just because the competition will be ending. This has been a great thing.

Habits

So today I was checking into the blog world and I realized that a lot of people have kinda tapered off from posting. I was thinking what in the world, a month ago there was new posts almost daily. I realized that I myself have done the same thing. I think part of it is that at the beginning of this competition it had to be right in the front of my mind or I was not committed. I have realized that the decisions I need to make are becoming easier for me and I don't feel like I "need" to blog daily. I do like to... but I don't need to. :-) I miss reading what people are going through, but I realize that this is part of the process. There are only a few more weeks left in this biggest loser competition, and I still have a very real goal that I am working towards. I feel healthy and happy. I feel very blessed to be a part of such a wonderful opportunity to change my life. I'm so glad that Kristina and Sherylee put this all together for us. It has got to take a lot of energy and effort to keep this all updated. Thank you Kristina. I really do appreciate all of this.

Under 190

I am so excited to have reached another milestone. This morning I weighed in at 189.4! It wasn't a huge loss for the week, but I am under 190!!! This is the lowest I have been in about four years! I am so happy and I feel great! Shawn and I went out on a date last night and I was a little nervous because I knew I had to weigh in this morning, but guess what I did? I ordered a really yummy salad off the menu and I only ate one slice of the fabulous bread appetizer. Man!!! I am so proud of myself. I have been hoping for bigger numbers each week, but I am happy to lose any when I am really working.

Where have I been?

I have been asking myself this question today. I have realized that I have been showing little numbers most weeks, but I also have been showing little effort. The weeks that I have really committed to myself, not just to everyone else, and done the work it takes, I have pulled a number like 5 pounds or more. I feel like I have become complacent in my goal and am stagnant. I need to evaluate what I want and when.
When it boils right down to it, this competition in only about a month from being over. My original goal was to lose 10 pounds per month, which would equal about 30 pounds. I am down 14.2 pounds, so I still have just over half of my 30 to lose. I honestly feel like I can do that I just really need to stay focused and realize that every day does count every meal, every snack, every moment of exercise counts.
I am noticing that in the competition there are some who really have just hit it hard most recently (Jeff) :-) I am so glad that just because we are half way through they didn't quit and say, "Oh well, I don't really have to do this now.". It makes me feel encouraged to do better.
I really feel disappointed in myself even with a 1.2 pound lose this week. I know I could have done better if I had put in more effort. I have plenty of weight left to lose I should be doing better than 1 pound a week. Anyway, enough harping on myself. It is just the reality and sometimes the truth hurts. Oh Well MOVE ON! I'm looking forward to this month. I know it will be successful when I put in the effort required to succeed.

Not Perfect

Okay, so this last week was not perfect for me. I feel kinda stupid because last week I put a challenge out to everyone to have a perfect week and I didn't even do it. I really fell hard this weekend. I ate so much cake it is disgusting to me to think how much more I could have lost this week if I would have just stayed away from it. I am reading this book called "Self Esteem and the Physical You" it is an older book that Mom gave me to read. So far I am only in one chapter, but so far it is talking about how we should take care of ourselves and not feel guilty for spending time doing the things we need to do to be healthy and attractive. The main thing I have liked so far is where it talks about how before we come to this Earth we were with our Heavenly Parents and that when we as women have a longing for femininity we are longing to be like our Heavenly Mother. I'll bet she is so graceful. I could use a lot more grace in my life. Anyway, on to a new week. I'm going to try harder this week to stay focused. I can do it. I have before, so I can again.

training

Today we had a leasing training at work. We had a great lunch brought in and I ordered extra veggies on mine. :-) I knew there would be yummy treats like cookies, so I took an orange with me and I ate that and even shared it with a few other girls who were trying to avoid the cookies. Made me feel good to resist. All I have left to do today is exercise and I will have two days in a row perfect.

2 Miles

I got home from work, had a nice dinner with chicken and salad. Then Shawn's mom and I went for a nice 2 mile walk. It was pretty fast. She has long legs and has been walking like 80 minutes a day for months now, so I had to keep asking Lady Long Legs to slow down so I could keep up. It felt really good. Today counts as a perfect day acording to what I had planned. Now for tomorrow... I'll let you know.

lunch time work out

Today I did my workout during my lunch break. That's right in my nylons and skirt and everything. It is just a good thing no one was around for all my high kicks. :-) I've had 4 fruits today. I need to still make sure I have two servings of veggies, but I am planning on having a salad with my dinner, so I will get them in. My water, I really have already had almost all of my water, but I'm sure I will drink at least another 32 oz. before I leave work. I have decided to train for a half marathon. (Thanks to seeing Michelle do it) I got a fitness magazine in the mail yesterday and it has a simple plan to follow... so today I will also be walking/jogging 2 miles. It isn't really that far. The same day I was going to do the Susan G. Koman Race for the Cure 5K is the same day as a half marathon in Ogden. I really didn't think I could have the stamina to do 13.1 miles, but really I have until May 9th to prepare. Why not just go for it? Anyway... I'm a little scared because I have never been a runner, so I'm sure I will start out with mostly walking, but I am really going to push and try to get myself to jog too. Maybe in a month or so I will like to try to push myself to run some. :-) I am not doing this on the treadmill. I don't like the treadmill, and the weather here in Salt Lake is nice enough I can do it outside. I mapped out a 2 mile route that I am going to take this afternoon. I'll have to check in with how I did and if it killed me. If it doesn't kill me... it will only make me stronger.

I was reading Kristina's blog today about going through so many struggles to get Evan and how she doesn't regret any of it because the joy she felt when she finally had him was so great. I really feel like that is part of my weight lose process. I have to go through some really had things, but I will not regret the experiences and the life lessons I will learn while I come closer to my final weight goal. Thank you for sharing such a personal thing Kristina.

Perfect Week

So I didn't do well at all this last week. It was so much fun having Mom and Dad in town for the weekend. I just love spending time with them. Mom did Turbo Jams with me and it was fun. I don't know that she had as much fun as I did, but still it was fun. On Saturday Mom helped me go through my clothes... I got rid of six big piles of clothes that are either too big, or that I just don't really wear. The clothes that were just too big but way cute I sent to Janie because she is really close to being where I was when we started this competition. It felt really good to actually see that my clothes are getting loose. I gained this week and I am not proud of that. I completely accept responsibility for my actions. I did eat like 8 chocolate chip cookies this weekend and I had a doughnut too. I only exercised once this week, so duh!!! What can I expect? My goal for this week is to have a perfect week. For me a perfect week is going to be exercising at least 5 days, eating all of my fruits and veggies every day (4-5 servings), drinking all of my water, and checking into the blog world every day. I know I can totally do it. I love that this is a learning process and that I don't have to be perfect, but if I am not really being consistent with this I can see that I will not make the progress I want to make. More tomorrow....

Birthday Party

Last night we had Lexi's birthday party. I didn't eat cake or ice cream. It wasn't really that hard. I am excited that I did that because this week I knew I would have the challenge of her birthday and having goodies around. I am planning on having an awesome weekend again. Mom and Dad are here this weekend for Lexi's baptism and I know they want to eat well too, so that will help me stay on track... plus I think it will be fun to Jam with Mom. :-) I'll check in more over the weekend again. That really seemed to help me stay focused last weekend.

Biggest Loser Week 6!!!

If you could hear me squeal with excitement!!! Your ears would hurt. :-) This week I was able to pull off biggest loser. It feels so good to have a really successful week. I honestly feel like my focus over the weekend was what did it for me. I am excited to keep going. I feel really good, I almost forgot to take my medicine the other night and I realized that it is because I am feeling so good my body is ready to drop my dose down some. :-) I go to the doctor this week, so we will see what Dr. Gremillion has to say. I'm so proud of myself I could almost cry. I have had a great deal of support from so many people. There have been several times when I have been very tempted to eat something I shouldn't and someone has been there to talk me out of it. Thank you if you are reading this. :-)

P.S. I think last week having a gain really was a reality check for me that I have to be very focused if I want to win this... so I'm bringin' it.

So far...so good

I'm just following through with my weekend plan. I'm doing well but wanted to write and say so.

Saturday Morning

Okay so the strategy for this weekend is to check in here and at the Biggest Losers blog to stay on track. So far...so good. I had breakfast and I was really wanting to go for a walk outside today, but it is raining, so I think I will wait a little while and see if it lets up and then go out and dodge the rain drops as Grandma Dayle used to say. :-)

Newsletter race

Mendi (one of the girls I work with) and I raced while we delivered newsletters today. My chest was burning. :-) It felt good. I literally was running up and down the stairs trying to beat her.

This morning I had breakfast and when I was fixing my banana, yogurt, and fiber one cereal, I didn't even think twice. It was like second nature. I think a habit is forming. :-)

Newsletters

Okay, today is the day I am delivering newsletters again, so hopefully I can get a great walk in of stairs. :-)

Quick side note

Last time we did a family weight loss thing I had the song eye of the tiger on my page, and it really got me going then. During that period of time I got down to 180, and I am getting closer and closer to that every day. I am so looking forward to being fit and healthy again. It will be so much fun to be able to buy medium shirts and 10 pants again. I am just way excited. There are so many songs that make me really want to move, as I notice them, I think I will add them here, or I may just add them to my ipod. :-) I guess I could just do both. We'll see. I don't know if I want to add music to this blog, but for now... YO ADRIAN!!!!!

Good Day

Today I have eaten well, and I will be exercising as soon as I finish this post. I feel great about this coming weeks weigh in. I am pretty sure I am going to be the biggest loser this week. :-) So watch out or work harder!!!

Feeling Stale

This week has not been that great. I haven't been feeling well, and as a result have not been eating well, or doing my exercises as much as I should. I think I need to once again step back and evaluate why I am doing this weight loss thing. I can say for sure that this week I have felt more weak and lazy. Weeks previous to this last I have felt great. The main difference I can see is my commitment level to my eating and exercise. I will try harder this week. I also noticed that I checked in on blogs less, and I think I need to check more so I can get a daily dose from other people of what they are facing. It helps me a lot to read what others have to say.

What I got out of last night's biggest loser show

I absolutely LOVE watching the show Biggest Loser!!! Last night I had a few things that I feel like I really learned. I will just say them how I think of them. First I was very upset about the outcome of the vote from the week previous. I was very frustrated with the lady who ended up staying. I felt like she was not giving it her all and that she didn't deserve to be in that amazing environment that so many people had tried to be in. (I was thinking how much i love shawn he is the most handsome,hot,kind,loving,sweet,strong,amazing,most besttest man ever in the world!!!! and I not just saying that because he is mine forever.) this was just inserted by Shawn because I got distracted when my visiting teacher came over. I had to leave it because he is just so cute. :-) Back to my thoughts... I was honestly feeling mad that she was still there. She was constantly whining and she just didn't seem like she even pushed herself. Well, she stayed on because there were people who voted for her to stay. This week there was a 180 switch in how she was. It was like she had decided that she could do it and that people believed in her and I was very impressed by her this week. She worked so hard and her attitude was one of self belief. I find myself doing the same thing I was so bugged by... sometimes I am just a whiner because I just don't feel like doing what I know I need to do. The next thing that hit me was the Father and Son team. They fell below the yellow line which put them up for elimination. They were both so upset and they each felt like they had failed each other. I was touched by the way the Dad pleaded with everyone to keep his son there at the Ranch. I realized in a very real sense how much I feel that way for everyone who is participating in this competition with me. I want so strongly for each and every person to have the weight loss success they need. We all have to do our part on our own, but we all want the best for each other. The main thing that I loved was mentioned in Kristina's last post on her blog about Dan and how he ran for 5 minutes. He had a break through and with the help of Jillian he was able to make it through. Jillian is one hard core trainer. She knew that Dan could do it even though he kept saying I can't breath. She said, "But you are." I loved how that came across. The idea of going past what you think you can do and just pushing so hard for something you want so bad. I have felt like I can't lose weight, but if I put it how Jillian did to Dan, I Am.

Q. How do you eat an Elephant?

A. One bite at a time.

Wisdom

Ok, so I have been thinking about what I posted last, and I realized that I didn't sum it up. I realized that what I have been thinking lately is that life is precious, and I need to do everything in my power to stay alive as long as I can. By becoming more healthy I create a better place for my spirit to be. I am so happy to say I am down 2 pounds this week. I really didn't think the scale was going to show that, but it did!!! :-) I'm so close to my 10 pounds for this month!!! Goals rock!!!

Okay, I think this post is going to be very personal, so be prepared. This post is very much for me so that I can reflect back at a later point and hopefully be able to gain some wisdom. I originally wanted to do this challenge because I realized that I have to take control of my health. Right around the time this all got put together was a time when Mom was having a cancer scare and I realized that she has done so much to be a healthy person. I am so happy that she is fine, and that she has been such an amazing example to so many people in so many different ways. Most recently I have been struggling with my feeling of being so far away from home (Sandpoint). My Grandma Marks is going through some of what seem like will be final days, and my heart aches that I can not be there to hug her and tell her that I love her just one more time. I know she has lived a good life and has been without Grandpa for such a long time. I feel like she is ready to go on to the next stage of the plan. I wish there were some way that I could tell that sweet woman how important she is to me. She has helped me through so many struggles that I have had. I remember when I was in high school and I used to go over and visit Grandma at Ridley Village. There was a period when I was only eating like a few baby carrots a day or some ridiculous little amount of food. I remember Grandma asking me about it and I told her I was afraid of getting fat. I knew that at the time I wasn't fat, but I was afraid that because of my DNA I was destined to become a fat person. I remember crying to her about that and she said that it isn't fat it is just fluff. :-) I know that isn't true, but I think what she was telling me was that it didn't really matter if I became what I perceived to be fat. I think part of what she was telling me was that it isn't what our body is like that is important, the way we treat other people and how we live is what is important. I do feel like that is truth, and the way we live is the most important thing. However, I feel like in order for me to live my life to the fullest I really need to be healthy. I need to take control of myself when I just don't feel like doing what I need to do. I know I can do it, and I have so many people who are there to support me. I will miss my Grandma very very much. I have been debating whether or not I should post this, but it is part of what is really going on for me right now, and I have to deal with the now. I think I have spent a lot of my time worrying about my Dad and how he is doing with his Mom's current state. I have been focusing less on what I need to do and letting a lot of my emotions get in the way of making good decisions. I have shed a lot of tears in the last week, and I know that it is okay to have feelings, but it is very important not to let my feelings stop me from doing what I need to do. This too shall pass

WHAT?!!!

So yesterday I got on the scale and I was back up to 199. I was feeling really mad and then I remembered I had taken my measurements one week earlier on Sunday...so, I decided I would measure again. To my surprise and amazement, I was down 3 inches in my waist, 1/2 inch in each upper arm, 1 1/2 inches around my hips, and 1/2 inch around each upper thigh. That's a total of 6 1/2 inches in one week. :-) Ok, so this week I may have to report a gain, but I have decided that if tomorrow morning comes and I do I am totally fine with it because I exercised, and lost a lot of inches. I know that muscle weighs more than fat, so if my body has burned fat and built muscle that is what needs to happen. I'm not going to let it discourage me from doing my exercises as good as this last week and eating way better than I did this last week. I feel like it is very important for me to report when I am frustrated because it forces me to work through my negative feelings and move right on.

AGHHHH!!!

I'm totally frustrated because today I went shopping with my niece and my sister in law. While we were out we went to lunch and I ate so much that I shouldn't have. I have had a very bad week as far as my eating goes. I have been great about my exercise, but I don't feel like that is going to be enough to make up for my bad behavior eating wise when it comes time to weigh on Tuesday. I feel like I let my guard down and just did whatever I wanted. I need to re-evaluate what I really want. I need to get it set in my mind that it is just as important what I put into my body as it is what energy I put out when I exercise. Good energy in... good energy out. I know I only tripped up a little and it was just a week, but just a week puts me behind by one week from my goals. I can fix it with time, but I want to finish this as soon as I can.

Decide, Commit, Succeed

Today when I was getting ready to select which workout I would do I noticed that just before the workout menu comes up on the TV there is a Brand for Beach Body and under it it says, "Decide, Commit, Succeed" I have decided that that will be my new motto. I feel like I have honestly decided to take this journey for real. I have shown that I can stay committed to it, and I know that I will succeed. I may not be succeeding to what other's standards are for me, but who really cares about that. I like what my brother Jeff said in his blog about not allowing other people to tell you if you are successful or not. Only we can measure our successes and failures. It reminds me of an old story Dad used to tell about the three kids who are on the swing set. There is one who is just kinda going slow and the others are going faster and higher. The one turns to the others and says look at me, I'm keeping up with Tommy. Then Tommy says look at me, I'm keeping up with Suzie. Then there is the little one going her own pace and she says look at me, I'm keeping up with myself. It may have been a little different than that, but that is basically how it goes. I like to remember that right now, because the other people who are in this competition with me may be losing more weight and inches, but I am not really in it to compare myself to them, I am in this to keep up with myself, and I need to be reminded of that sometimes.

JAM JAM JAM

I love to Jam!!! I have been having so much fun exercising. WHAT?! That's right fun! I am so happy that I have found something I really enjoy doing. I feel so good after I am done. (and while I am doing) I only did the 20 minute workout last night and I felt like it only took like 2 minutes. I did 40 minutes today and I think that is about what I should be doing on a daily basis.

I have been a little more lax on the eating part of what I am doing, but I don't think I have done anything too extreme that I will have a problem.

This morning I was putting on a pair of pants that I really hate, because they are always feeling tight and yucky. Well, I didn't have to suck in my belly fat and I just did them up. I was totally comfortable all day at work. Of course I still changed into my Yoga pants when I got home, but I was comfortable at work. :-)

I have noticed some muscle definition in my legs that I haven't noticed in a long time, and here is what is gross, I had some cellulite on my arms and it is almost completely gone!!!

I still have a long way to go, but it feels really good to see some progress. I am proud of myself for sticking to this and making the adjustments that I need to make so it can work for me in my life.

barely down

This morning was weigh in, and I am only down 2 oz. this week. I feel a little discouraged, but I also have had a reality check. I let myself excuse myself from exercising a few times this last week. I also allowed myself to have some food that I know is off limits. I know that even though I am down a little I am heading in the right direction. This morning while I was doing my Turbo Jams the instructor said something to the effect that this is your workout, you get out of it what you put into it. I feel like I will get to my weight goal, but it is going to be up to me how fast or slow I get there. It is frustrating to work hard all week but slack off a little and how easily that ruins the entire week of work. I have been giving myself Tuesdays kind of off, not exercising, having a diet coke, etc. I decided this morning that I will not be doing that any more. If I am serious about this, and I am, then I have to get it into gear and push.

Measuring up

Well, I finally did it last night. I took my measurements. It is kinda crazy, my left thigh is only like 2 and a half inches smaller than my waist was in high school. Makes me feel huge. I wish I would have taken my measurements even at the beginning of this week, because since I started my Turbo Jam DVDs I feel tighter. My sweater is loose today and it feels good. I am also wearing a skirt I haven't been able to wear in forever. I had a good breakfast this morning and I am taking a good snack to church. I have planned what I can have for a quick lunch after church too, so this weekend is better than last. :-)

Give Me More

So last night I did my Turbo Jam Learn and Burn DVD again. I had so much fun that when it was over I did the Turbo Sculpt for another 40 minutes, so that was a total of 60 minutes last night. It felt good.

I love it!!!

I tried my Turbo Jam Learn and Burn DVD last night. I loved it!!! The workout was only 20 minutes, but I was totally sweating by the end. I am so excited to do the rest of the set. It will take me awhile to be strong enough to move on to the next level, but I feel great. The thing I probably like about it the most is that you are working your abs the entire time, and you are always on your feet. I'll keep you posted as I keep working.

TURBO JAMS!!!!

My turbo jams finally came!!!! I guess the wait was worth it. It took so long for them to come that I called and they finally reimbursed my shipping charges. :-) Anyway, I read all about it last night and I am really looking forward to trying it out today. I didn't get up early this morning because I knew I wanted to spend some extra time learning my new workout moves. I am going to take my measurements today. I'm a little nervous about it, but at the same time it will be good because then in a month or so I will take them again and I will have another way to see how far I have come and how much less I have left to do. :-) I have been doing ok with my eating. I think I need to make sure I have my snacks so my energy stays up. I have been trying a lot of new yummy recipes and I like that. I get so bored with the same stuff over and over again. My Turbo Jams came with a 10 day eating plan and I need to make a grocery list so I can get a few of the things I don't have. I was pleasantly surprised to see that I do have most of what I need. I'll let you know how my workout goes tonight.

P.S. The weekend was rough, but I'm over it.

1/2 the steps

So I ended up only doing half the stairs I was thinking I would do. I had to take a potty break and when I went in the office Mendi was dying of boredom so she went and delivered some more then Cori did hers. I am seriously nervous about the weekend. I had such a hard time last weekend. I need to really figure out my plan for each day. I know I can do it, I just have a hard time when I am either around home all day or if I am out and I get hungry.

Where did the day go?

I don't know where my day went yesterday, but by 7:30 I was in bed reading my new cook book. I did get up at 5:00 and I did a Biggest Loser DVD I did the warm up, functional flexibility (my favorite) and the cool down. I felt like I should do more and I think in the future after I finish doing that workout I will go and use either the treadmill or the elliptical machine at my gym. It is after all only across the parking lot from our apartment. :-) I ate really well yesterday. I have changed my focus a little bit on my eating. I am focusing a little more on counting my calorie intake. I really want a heart rate monitor that tells you how many calories you are burning, but I will have to save for awhile the one I want is and F6 Polar Heart Rate Monitor and it is of course pink. You can google it if you want to see it. :-) Today I didn't get up early, but I know that when I get to work I am delivering our monthly newsletter to all the residents. I figured it out and if I do all of the delivering on my own I will do 1800 stairs up and then the same number down. that is a grand total of 3600 stairs. I decided I am going to do it on my own and steal all those burned calories from the other girls I work with. Plus there are a few other buildings without stairs that I will be delivering to as well. I think that will be a great work out. Anyway, I ate a good breakfast this morning and I have my snacks planed out and I have left over Spaghetti Squash for lunch. I still have to figure out what I want for dinner, but I am kinda getting myself ready for the weekend. I'm nervous about it. I had a hard one last weekend, so hopefully I do really well this weekend.

New Cook Book

So my boss gave me a gift card to Barnes and Noble for Christmas and last night I went and got the Biggest Loser Cook Book. Tonight I tried a yummy recipe for a chicken salad sandwich with apples, grapes, and celery. Instead of having it on bread I put mine on a whole wheat tortilla. It was way yummy.

I almost didn't make it to dinner tonight. I was out shopping for lace for Lexi's baptism dress and I got stuck in traffic, and I was totally frustrated 'cause I couldn't find what I was looking for and then traffic was terrible. I called Janie and she talked to me almost all the way home. Thanks Janie, you saved me from the fast food disaster that I almost had.

I didn't exercise this morning. My stomach muscles are so sore, but I was talking to Shawn this morning and he says I need to exercise some more to work through it. I will be up again tomorrow at 5:00 to do my workout.

I called Turbo Jams to see what in the world was going on with my shipment and the lady said it has been shipped, so hopefully tomorrow or Friday I will have my fun new work out.

It really makes a difference on how I eat when I workout in the morning. I need to really make myself do it, even if I have to do a lighter workout to get through my soreness. I can do it. I just have to make it happen.

I was feeling really discouraged earlier, but now that I have had a good dinner and have been on here reading through other peoples blogs I feel a little better.

Lessons Learned

So last night I thought I would do my last chance work out. Come to find out this morning I shouldn't have done that. I was so sore from last night pushing it so hard that I only got just past the warm up on the yoga. I also learned that I shouldn't have had cheerios three times yesterday. They are on my list of things to only have three times a week. oops. :-) Oh well, that was better than a candy bar. Last night I never did eat my veggies. I shouldn't have let myself blog until I did it. Another oops. :-) Oh well, lessons learned. Time to shoot for a week of perfect days. I need to go to the store to stock up on some good stuff to eat.

I did weigh in at 199.4 so I am way happy about that. I'm under 200!!!!! Yipee! I can't wait to see the lower number next Tuesday. I'm really enjoying this. Having a little trouble following through with what I know I need to do, but it is a learning process so it is ok.

Perfect Days make Perfect Bodies

I have seriously been trying to have a perfect day today. I got up at 5:00 and did my weight lose yoga. I almost slept in and realized that that just wasn't an option. Then I had some turkey, cheerios, and EVOO for breakfast. Snack time came around 10:00 and I had some more cheerios and some blueberries. For lunch I had a Tuna Steak, Carrots, Kashi Crackers, and some EVOO. I had another snack around 4:00 of guess more cheerios and some grapes. I was struggling to figure out what to have for dinner, so I had some eggs, a little ham, and yup even more cheerios. I still have to have my dinner veggie, and of course I don't know what to have, so I will probably have some broccoli. I am a little worried that the cheerio day might just kill me when I get on the scale. I don't think I am supposed to have so much cereal, but oh well, we will see what happens. I did a good job on my water intake. That seems to come really easy for me. I like water. Can't wait to see what my weight does in the morning.

Weekend was a little rough

Ok, so I found out that I have a way harder time with weekends than I do during the week. I've got to make a better plan of action for next weekend.

I did do a few things I was proud of myself for. On Friday night Shawn's family came over to watch the Utah Bowl game and him mom brought all the left over goodies from the week of festivities at her house. I picked up one of the cookies and I took a bite. Then I thought about it for a second and realized it wasn't good enough to blow my entire day. So I threw the rest in the garbage. Next step don't pick up a cookie. :-)

We had a really good snow storm hit Friday night, so yesterday I shoveled snow for about three hours. I should have let that count for my exercise for the day, but I wanted more. I got a gift card to Walmart from Shawn's sister Stacy and her husband Mike for my birthday, so I went and got the Biggest Loser Weight Lose Yoga with Bob. It just about made me cry by the end. Talk about a great work out. I feel really good about the exercise I have done this last week.

I need to adjust my food, but I had a good talk with Kristina last night and she was reminding me of a lot of different options I have. I have kinda been stuck in the plain ground turkey mode and now I don't have that brain cramp so much. I'm going to plan better for my food this week and switch it up more.

I'm really looking forward to weighing in Tuesday morning. I have been trying not to weigh myself and just follow what I need to do. I am still hoping to be under the 200 mark, but that will require almost 5 pounds this week. We'll see... if I am not under 200 Tuesday, I for sure will be by the 13th.

I feel like this has been a productive week and I have learned a lot and felt a ton of support. I am so grateful for this competition, I feel like it is the vehicle I needed to get going with my personal goals of weight lose.

Happy New Year!!!

Ok, so last night and today... last night I was so good!!! I kept thinking, "that looks so yummy, I should eat it." Then I got thinking about how many people are in this and if each person is paying in $60 then if I really want the money I better not eat it. At one point I took my phone out and used my little calculator to figure out if a doughnut was really worth that much. I was strong. Kinda funny motivation, but it worked. Plus I told myself earlier that I can do it.

This morning I did not get up at 5:00. I did get my workout in, it was just later this evening after we came home from Shawn's Mom and Dad's. I did another Richard Simons workout. I wish my Turbo Jams would come already!!! Hello I'm totally excited about that. Today I was pretty good. I didn't drink enough water, and I did drink a soda. But during the entire party from last night to today, I only had one cookie and one soda, so other than that I was a good girl.

I am really looking forward to seeing how much I will lose this week. I was thinking about the biggest loser show and how they work out for like 4 hours a day and I was like, there is no way I can put that much time in... then I realized I don't have to. I just have to do what I can and over time this will all benefit me. I can't set myself up to think I will lose some crazy like 15 lbs my first week like some of the people on the ranch do. I honestly don't know what to expect when I get on the scale on Tuesday. I'm really hoping I will be under the 200 mark.

I was sitting in Sunday School on Sunday and we were having the lesson on how we still live in a time of miracles. I was thinking about what has been going on with Mom and I realized that we had hope and had prayed and exercised a great deal of faith on her behalf that she would be healed. There is no doubt in my mind that our prayers were directly answered and that a miracle took place. I was very overcome with emotion, and when we got home on Sunday I was talking to Shawn and I came to the conclusion that there is no reason that I can not ask my Heavenly Father for the miracle of Health for myself. After all it is a righteous desire, and He wants me to be happy. Then I was thinking more... about faith and hope. So you have to have hope first, so I really hope that I can lose my extra weight and become a healthy person again. I don't want to be overweight anymore. I have to exercise faith that I will be able to become a healthy person again by losing my extra weight. Then I was thinking even more and the AH HA moment happened when I realized once again that faith without works is dead. So how do I apply that to me and what I am going through? Well, I figure I have to do my part. I have to follow the nutrition and fitness plan that I have decided on and when I work and exercise my faith, I can have the miracle in my life that I am asking for. I am happy that this has all come into play in my life.

My arms are a little sore from my workout today. Kinda glad I didn't use the resistance bands yet.