Okay, I think this post is going to be very personal, so be prepared. This post is very much for me so that I can reflect back at a later point and hopefully be able to gain some wisdom. I originally wanted to do this challenge because I realized that I have to take control of my health. Right around the time this all got put together was a time when Mom was having a cancer scare and I realized that she has done so much to be a healthy person. I am so happy that she is fine, and that she has been such an amazing example to so many people in so many different ways. Most recently I have been struggling with my feeling of being so far away from home (Sandpoint). My Grandma Marks is going through some of what seem like will be final days, and my heart aches that I can not be there to hug her and tell her that I love her just one more time. I know she has lived a good life and has been without Grandpa for such a long time. I feel like she is ready to go on to the next stage of the plan. I wish there were some way that I could tell that sweet woman how important she is to me. She has helped me through so many struggles that I have had. I remember when I was in high school and I used to go over and visit Grandma at Ridley Village. There was a period when I was only eating like a few baby carrots a day or some ridiculous little amount of food. I remember Grandma asking me about it and I told her I was afraid of getting fat. I knew that at the time I wasn't fat, but I was afraid that because of my DNA I was destined to become a fat person. I remember crying to her about that and she said that it isn't fat it is just fluff. :-) I know that isn't true, but I think what she was telling me was that it didn't really matter if I became what I perceived to be fat. I think part of what she was telling me was that it isn't what our body is like that is important, the way we treat other people and how we live is what is important. I do feel like that is truth, and the way we live is the most important thing. However, I feel like in order for me to live my life to the fullest I really need to be healthy. I need to take control of myself when I just don't feel like doing what I need to do. I know I can do it, and I have so many people who are there to support me. I will miss my Grandma very very much. I have been debating whether or not I should post this, but it is part of what is really going on for me right now, and I have to deal with the now. I think I have spent a lot of my time worrying about my Dad and how he is doing with his Mom's current state. I have been focusing less on what I need to do and letting a lot of my emotions get in the way of making good decisions. I have shed a lot of tears in the last week, and I know that it is okay to have feelings, but it is very important not to let my feelings stop me from doing what I need to do. This too shall pass