This is hard

Okay, so here is me with the honest truth about how I am feeling about this. This kinda has sucked for me lately. I am really struggling with eating the right foods. For some reason I want to eat like really crappy foods that I know are not good for me. I think I might subconsciously think that when I am eating bad my life is good. I don't know...but it is bugging me really bad. I have been good about my exercise. I could be better, but I am getting in at least three good one hour workouts each week. I really love my water aerobics. I have been falling into the trap of eating a little bit of something that I shouldn't have and then not letting myself eat anything else that day hoping that it will counteract my bad choice of food earlier. I know that isn't smart, but it is what I have been doing.

How to fix it?

I don't really know, but all I can do is try my best to figure this out.

I'm scared of going back to where I was before I started my weight loss journey. I don't want to fail myself or anyone else who believes in me. I know I have what it takes inside of me to do this, I just have to figure out exactly how.

I know Shawn is sick of the same kinds of food and he wants some really "Yummy" food, but I don't want to have it around because when it is around I eat it and I have a three pound gain like I had last week. I am not at all trying to blame Shawn, I just realize that I do a lot for other people when I should realize that eating right is something that I need to do for myself. No, Lasagna is not totally off limits, but not double portions three days in a row.

This is getting rambly, so I should stop now. I just wanted to post where I am since it has been over a week.

188

Can I get a "What What!"? I am so happy with what is happening with my body. I feel like I have been making really good progress. I honestly thought at the beginning of this that I would be losing a lot more weight than I have, but I am still very happy that I am down almost 17 pounds. From my high I'm down 32 pounds and that is just in the past four and a half months. If I keep the same pace for the next four and a half months I will be down to 156 pounds. That sounds SOOOO good to me. I have proven to myself that I can do this. I have no plan of giving up or stopping just because the competition will be ending. This has been a great thing.

Habits

So today I was checking into the blog world and I realized that a lot of people have kinda tapered off from posting. I was thinking what in the world, a month ago there was new posts almost daily. I realized that I myself have done the same thing. I think part of it is that at the beginning of this competition it had to be right in the front of my mind or I was not committed. I have realized that the decisions I need to make are becoming easier for me and I don't feel like I "need" to blog daily. I do like to... but I don't need to. :-) I miss reading what people are going through, but I realize that this is part of the process. There are only a few more weeks left in this biggest loser competition, and I still have a very real goal that I am working towards. I feel healthy and happy. I feel very blessed to be a part of such a wonderful opportunity to change my life. I'm so glad that Kristina and Sherylee put this all together for us. It has got to take a lot of energy and effort to keep this all updated. Thank you Kristina. I really do appreciate all of this.

Under 190

I am so excited to have reached another milestone. This morning I weighed in at 189.4! It wasn't a huge loss for the week, but I am under 190!!! This is the lowest I have been in about four years! I am so happy and I feel great! Shawn and I went out on a date last night and I was a little nervous because I knew I had to weigh in this morning, but guess what I did? I ordered a really yummy salad off the menu and I only ate one slice of the fabulous bread appetizer. Man!!! I am so proud of myself. I have been hoping for bigger numbers each week, but I am happy to lose any when I am really working.

Where have I been?

I have been asking myself this question today. I have realized that I have been showing little numbers most weeks, but I also have been showing little effort. The weeks that I have really committed to myself, not just to everyone else, and done the work it takes, I have pulled a number like 5 pounds or more. I feel like I have become complacent in my goal and am stagnant. I need to evaluate what I want and when.
When it boils right down to it, this competition in only about a month from being over. My original goal was to lose 10 pounds per month, which would equal about 30 pounds. I am down 14.2 pounds, so I still have just over half of my 30 to lose. I honestly feel like I can do that I just really need to stay focused and realize that every day does count every meal, every snack, every moment of exercise counts.
I am noticing that in the competition there are some who really have just hit it hard most recently (Jeff) :-) I am so glad that just because we are half way through they didn't quit and say, "Oh well, I don't really have to do this now.". It makes me feel encouraged to do better.
I really feel disappointed in myself even with a 1.2 pound lose this week. I know I could have done better if I had put in more effort. I have plenty of weight left to lose I should be doing better than 1 pound a week. Anyway, enough harping on myself. It is just the reality and sometimes the truth hurts. Oh Well MOVE ON! I'm looking forward to this month. I know it will be successful when I put in the effort required to succeed.